i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
