I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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