his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
