you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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