I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
