just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
