i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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