I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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