I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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