I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
