before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
