Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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