the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
