The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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