There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize