Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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