the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
