Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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