Define "chronic" masturbator.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
