You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
