Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
