is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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