Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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