i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
