So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
