i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize