that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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