I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
