we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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