One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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