Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
