Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize