did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
