I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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