eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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