I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
