My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You are a genius and a whore.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
