Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
