You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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