I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My vagina just clenched in fear
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize