If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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