the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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