i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
