Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize