Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
