You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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