I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
