I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize