4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
