well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
