I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize