I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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