Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
