all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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