he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize