just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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