i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
