I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize