I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
