Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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