did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
