Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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