Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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